Dammit... goddammit.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a visually stunning looking movie. Then again, considering the visual masterpiece 1997 The Fifth Element is, I didn't really expect anything less, considering Besson took a lot of visual cues from the Valerian and Laureline comics to his first sci-fi spectacle. So, if you are looking for a movie, that is visually spectacular and imaginative, you could choose a lot worse movie. The thing is though, there are a couple of glaring problems with the rest of the movie.
In the 29th century, Valerian (DeHaan) and Laureline (Delevingne) are agents of the Human Federation. They are on a mission of retrieving a Mül Converter, an extremely rare species that can replicate anything given to it. After getting their hands on the creature, they head on Alpha, an old human construct that was sent into deep space after its increasing gravitational pull made it too dangerous to be left besides Earth. During the centuries it has become a meeting point for thousands of alien species, who now dwell there on regular basis, all in their own respective hemispheres.
At Alpha, they learn of a terrorist threat dwelling at the core of the gargantuan space station. But just as they are discussing the issue with the council of alien species, an attack takes place and the commander Fillitt (Owen) is taken as a prisoner. Valerian, who chases after them disappears as well, so Laureline decides to chase after him.
To straighten many curves, it's revealed that there's no terrorist threat at all. The whole thing was Fillitt trying to cover up his own mistake during a war, that lead to the destruction of the race known as Pearls. The refugees were residing secretly at the core of Alpha, trying to get Mül Converter, which they can use to create power for machinery making it possible to create their home planet again.
The basic story is pretty solid as is. It's nothing groundbreaking, but overall a solid basis for an action adventure. It just is, that the narrative has some big problems, mostly revolving around the lacklustre relationship between Valerian and Laureline, which isn't helped by the complete lack of chemistry between the leads, which leads me to the biggest problem in the movie.
Firstly, Dane DeHaan is utterly unlikeable as Valerian. Valerian is supposed to be a kind of a scoundrel. Not quite Han Solo, but something in that direction. The way DeHaan portrays him makes Valerian unlikeable, intolerable and extremely punchable. At no point does he manage to turn that around, despite Besson evidently attempting at some sort of a redemption arc with Valerian. It's simply an unsuitable actor latched on to a poorly written character and the actor being unable to elevate what he was given. Harrison Ford DeHaan definitely isn't.
Secondly, there is Delevingne. Out of the two leads, she is actually more toleratable, but her Laureline is surprisingly angry, almost angsty when she isn't wooden. Delevingne isn't a good actor and to elevate the character, the role should have been given to a far, far better actor. Still, in contrast to DeHaan, Delevingne does a stellar job, especially when it's just her.
And Thirdly, as I already mentioned, there's zero chemistry between the two leads. We are supposed to believe, that Valerian and Laureline have some sort of a professional love/hate/friendship with Valerian trying to court Laureline constantly and her having none of it. It's an odd relationship to portray and the lack of chemistry between the actors makes their "courting" scenes wholly unbearable.
So, yeah. Goddammit. While the movie is visually very pleasing, it has some big issues. I mean, if you can get past the glaring casting problems, it is an enjoyable watch, for visuals alone. It just is, that all the candy in the world is unsatisfying when there's so little nutrition.
Goddammit, Besson.
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