Gods of Egypt (2016)

Gods of Egypt (2016)
Director: Alex Proyas
Writers: Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless
Starring: Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Gerald Butler

Gods of Egypt is a bad movie. Not because of gods themselves being portrayed by white actors or some such reason. Let me be clear here: it wouldn't matter if the actors were all brought from ancient Egypt, this would still be a bad movie (albeit technically pretty interesting considering the invention of time travel and all). Gods of Egypt is a bad movie, because nothing in it really works.

I mean, lets start from the actors themselves, who all lack any kind of basic chemistry, especially those in lead. Bek (Brenton Thwaites) and Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), the odd couple of this buddy tale, banter and squabble and do action scenes together with such blandness, that it's almost inconceivable. They're supposed to be the mismatched, involuntarily joined hero team, who even each other out and entertain the audience with their humorous interactions. And they are and they try, but manage to mix together some what like oil and water. All gloss, but nothing really sinks in. Not their chemistry, not their jokes and definitely not their slowly kindling comradeship. And then there's Gerald Butler, who half asses his role as Set in the same mode he's had since 300. At least he growls his dialogue in the same gusto he's had since starring role from as Leonides.

Ah, the  dialogue. The Dialogue, which is almost everywhere delivered, by almost every actor in the movie, with phlegmatic enthusiasm. But then again, who can blame the actors, when the script is on a level of a mediocre episode of soon to be cancelled soap opera. Come to think of it, the whole movie feels like a TV-movie, meant to work as a long opening episode for a Xena type TV-series: it throws lore and people on the viewers face in order to introduce everything important, but doesn't really manage to  do much further with the presented stuff besides showing who the characters will be in the series, leaving rest of the development for the series itself.

Gods of Egypt is also very special effects heavy movie, which is another nail in the coffin for it, as the special effects themselves, while at times imaginative, feel somewhat unfinished. Every time there's actors and CGI on the screen, which is very often, the whole thing starts to look like a cut scene from a game. Which is another thing: very often Gods of Egypt does feel like an action game, you just aren't allowed to play it.

In fact, I do think Gods of Egypt would have made far better game than a movie. Many scenes in it play out like cut scenes before the game itself lets you play. At times the scenes are like lets play videos, where you are watching some else playing the game.

The more I think about it, the more I feel Proyas did a huge mistake by making Gods of Egypt a movie. As a movie it fails miserably in almost every area, but if he'd made it a game, then all the failings of it could have been a huge plus, as there would have been a ton of intriguing player action between the half-assed cut scenes, which in turn would have turned far more rewarding because they'd give much needed moments of rest to the player between the levels.

So that's what I thought of Gods of Egypt, a terrible movie, but potentially a good game. Sadly I don't think anyone will be turning it into one.